Officially a Foosball Widow

It's that time of year once again. That time of year where my husband leaves me for another man...or men, rather. That time of year where hoots, hollers and yells are heard from miles around. That time of year where what's on the TV dictates everyone's every move.



That's right... it's Football season. It's A&M season. It's Cryboy season.



In my 27 years on this beautiful earth, I've tried to learn the game of football and I just can't quite get it. My dad always watched it when I was a kid, but was never "into" it. We were more of a baseball family. Now THAT game I totally get!! It makes sense!



Anyway, back to foosball...I tried to figure it out in high school simply so I could understand what my History teacher was talking about all the time. I tried to learn it several times in college to impress guys (c'mon... someone else HAS to have done this!!) I tried REALLY hard to learn it when I met Josh because I knew how much he loved it. Alas, it is a lost cause. There are just too many rules, regulations, exceptions, and ...stuff. See? I had to resort to using the word "stuff" because I don't even get it! Every time I think I have something figured out, Josh says, "well, there's an exception". I give up. Therefore, in this post, I am going to re-write the game to how I think it should be played.


1 - First of all, since the players are already wearing tights, let's add some tutu's to the uniform. It would add some color and it would hide all the umm.. "junk" if ya know what I mean. HELLO I don't want to see that! Put on a tutu and *bingo!* problem solved. I'd be happy to make them. I am a professional tutu maker after all. I could even add sequins so they are flashier.

2. Cheerleaders will be required to wear uniforms that actually hold their *ahem* various body parts in place. Maybe burkas. And the only cheers they can do are Spartan cheers. How amazing would that be?!


3. Players should publicly apologize when they tackle each other and seal it with a hug. No reason other than I think it'd be funny to watch big football players in tutus hugging each other.

4. I think instead of playing with a football, they should have to play with an egg. I bet the players would be a lot more careful then, not just because of the obvious mess it would make if the egg was broken but because...

5. If you break the egg, you have to sing the National Anthem, backwards, while hopping on one foot and wearing the other teams tutu color.

6. Forget clearly marked end zones, wouldn't it be more fun to have secret zones? That way you never know if you're in the zone. Oohh, what if you're about to make a touch down! What if you're in the other teams' secret end zone! You never know!

7. There will be no more "overtimes". Instead, the teams will have a dance off, Riverdance style, in the event of a tie game.


8. There are secret rules that only the referees know. This keeps everyone guessing. You never know when you're going to get a penalty or an advance!


8. Most importantly, anyone watching the football games at home is strictly forbidden from screaming at the TV for risk of giving their wife a heart attack.

From here forward, this is how the game shall be played. If I can't understand the game, then NO one should understand the game!









Yeah, I'm obviously REALLY bored tonight...