The Girl Scouts Plan for World Domination

They're smart, those Girl Scouts, but I'm onto them. I've caught wind of their plot and it stinks.

Let's start with the basics.
There are two types of Girl Scouts - The kind that immediately hand over the boxes of joy, providing you with instant gratification and a free pass to the sugar overloaded highway of bliss, and then there are the Girl Scouts that take your order and make you wait several weeks or even months for you cookies to come in. Both are deadly and I'm not sure which is worse. I'm of the belief that they are equally dangerous. Not that it matters, because they're in cahoots, working towards the same sinister goal which I will get to later.


Allow me to break it down for you.


The first variety of Girl Scouts are the ones that sit outside Walmart or Kroger or wherever they can bat their long eyelashes at a store owner and convince him to let them sit out front with their big puppy dog eyes and adorable pig tails, harassing every patron of the store not only as they enter the store, but again as they exit. Here is a photograph from a typical scene you may encounter (you may need to click to enlarge in order to see the gory details):

Please note: this is a reenactment. All actual names and faces have been changed for their own protection.

They have boxes upon boxes of Peanut Butter Patties, Caramel deLites (my poison of choice), Peanut Butter Sandwiches, Lemonades, Shortbreads, Thin Mints and others just sitting there in giant stacks, waiting for some unsuspecting store patron to hear the eerie music in their head, go into a trance, impulsively buy 35 boxes and then get swept away in a coconuty euphoria.. or lemon euphoria if you like that variety... though I think you're crazy to waste to calories on lemon cookies when you could have Caramel deLites.


The Girl Scout gurus know that this is America and we are BIG on instant gratification. And when I say big, I mean enormously huge. It's like this raging monster comes out when we pass those tables of cookies and says "I WANT CARAMEL DELITES AND I WANT THEM RIGHT NOW!!!" and our inner child screams and throws the mother of all temper tantrums until we hand over those dollars and get our precious boxes of cookies. Which, by the way, have far too few cookies in them for the price we pay! I swear, it's like you get 10 measly cookies for that $3.50. I digress...


Back on track. Let's move on to the second type of Girl Scout.


The second type are the ones that take your order and then promise you deliciousness in about 2-4 weeks. Sometimes they show up on your door step, catching you off guard while you're in the middle of dinner, on the phone, or watching the Bachelor (not that I would watch that smut...). You're blinded by their sweetness and are tricked into buying a box or six, because you're weak and can't say no to cute little girls with pigtails. And if you're lucky enough to not have them show up on your porch, you almost undoubtedly have 4 or more friends or co-workers constantly badgering you to buy cookies from their kid. C'mon... we all know one of "those" moms (or dads or aunts or neighbor's mother's friend's daughter's sister-in-law) They are relentless!


I think this type of Girl Scout is almost WORSE than the first type... Why? Because you spend $42 on cookies but because you haven't gotten them yet, it hasn't satisfied that deep longing for chocolate coated peanut butter yet so when you are headed into the grocery store to buy your organic chicken, lettuce, snow peas and other healthy things (hey, you ARE on a diet, remember that resolution?) you pass by the Instant Gratification Girl Scouts (that just sounds bad...) and go ahead and pick up an extra box or 4 to satisfy you until your other cookies come in. So see? They're banking on both ends of your gluttony. They get your cash twice! And we get twice the fat! Doesn't seem fair, does it?

Hmm.. where was I going with this? Oh yes. Girl Scouts and world dominion. I'm getting there....


And as if them just selling the cookies wasn't bad enough, they pick JANUARY to do this fundraiser! This timing is integral to their plot.You see, they know that everyone makes New Years resolutions to lose weight and get in shape. I mean really, like 94.686% of the population probably does this. So in January, everyone is mean, and grumpy, and starving, and CRAVING junk food. This just makes everyone more susceptible to their tactics. I don't know about you, but if I'm downright mean when I'm hungry. Just ask Josh. Or my parents. So if I'm already pissed off hungry and you wave some chocolate coated peanut butter in my face you better watch out. I may just rip your arm off while going for it. The Girl Scouts are banking on this!


Their ultimate plan is to get you to consume hundreds and hundreds of cookies, thereby making us all gain tons of weight and go into sugar comas. Remember the movie Wall-E? Where everyone got super fat and couldn't walk or do anything for themselves anymore? Well, picture that.... except we aren't on a space ship and we don't have little hover chairs to get us to and from. If we all weigh 800lbs, then chances are slim that we're getting out of our beds much less out of our houses. Now, some would be content with this plan... laying in bed with boxes of Caramel deLites and Peanut Butter Patties strewn about while watching Jerseylicious and Bridalplasty reruns (again, I would NEVER watch such shows...)

...but I know better. I'm not falling for it.


OK. I'm getting tired of writing now and I am sure the 3 or so people that read my blog are tired of reading this junk so I'll get to the point. The rest of their plan for global domination involves a robot named Cookie that runs for President, France and Atomic Thin Mints, dancing unicorns with laser eyes, and bacon. Because every story is better when it includes bacon.


Look, I even drew a picture of President Cookie. Since I wasted 15 minutes drawing it, I'm including it... even though I didn't really explain it. It would've been a good explanation too.

Oh well.

So yeah, I'm on to them. I've got their number. And I'm not falling for it! I've had years to study their behaviors and finally caught on. I haven't bought a single box this year and I will resist! So when the rest of the world is 800lbs and stuck in their Barcaloungers with coconut in their teeth, I will go out and save the world!

My favorite unheard of Christmas songs

Pretty much no one has heard of either of my favorite Christmastime songs. And, sadly, they're both pretty hard to find. But thanks to YouTube, I managed to find them to share! Enjoy

This is one of my favorite songs - Peace Child by The Normals. I've loved it since I first heard it, so much so that years ago my brother, sister, and I performed it for our church. And no, I am not posting video from that! I've only ever found it on one CD and the rest of that CD completely SUCKS so I don't recommend it!



I also love this one - Carol of the Fryers. It's definitely unique, but you have to listen all the way to the ending (it's worth it!) As silly as it is, the ending has made this anti-mushy gushy gal tear up a few times.

Silent Monks Singing the Hallelujah Chorus

I shared this on Facebook as well, but it's worth sharing here too. Especially since I've been so lax in posting lately. Last year our church did a fantastic presentation of the Hallelujah Chorus and I think that this version should be done this year :)

I hope this makes your day as much as it made mine! Oh, and if anyone ever wants to do this, you can totally count me in!!!

Emily and Michael's California Jewish Wedding!

I finally snagged our computer long enough to upload some pictures from Emily and Michael's California wedding! I've known Emily and her sister Anna for about as long as possible. They've always been a part of our family's life and they are like little sister's to me. When we were kids, my mom used to babysit them on a regular basis and then when I got old enough, I babysat them quite a bit. They are such sweet girls and it was so wonderful to spend some time with them and get to see Emily's new husband, Michael, again!

The wedding was so much fun! Michael is Jewish and Emily recently converted and the wedding was chock full of Jewish traditions. It was one of the most beautiful ceremonies I've been to. I loved how there was GORGEOUS singing throughout the entire thing. I have quite a few videos of the singing, but Blogger takes forever to upload so you're missing out. Sorry! And the reception? Wow... they know how to party!! Josh and I had never been to Jewish wedding before so it was interesting to see.

It started out with us attending the Tish. This is where the bride is in one room with all the women and the groom is in another room with all the guys. I don't have any pictures from this because I forgot Josh had the camera in his pocket.

Anyway, in the girls' room, we all introduced ourselves and how we knew the bride and then just offered up any stories about Emily or offered advice. It was very laid back and really, pretty cool. There were only about 15-20 of us in there.

I hear that the guys' room was a little more.... entertaining. Something about the groom and groomsmen taking shots, a lot of "advice" and what not. We heard them hootin' and hollering through the walls! Josh said it was pretty crazy.

Oh, and I didn't feel bad taking pictures or video during the ceremony (I didn't use a flash!!) because like half the other guests were!! Normally, I wouldn't dream of it, but since it was so laid back, I did it anyway :) Plus, my parents weren't able to go so I knew that they'd want to see!

After the Tish, we all went up to the rooftop for the ceremony. While we were all making our way up there, Emily and Michael were downstairs signing their Ketubah. Here's the setup on the roof. Very simple, but it was really pretty. Their Chuppah was really pretty too. Michael and his dad made it and the canopy for it was made out of old t-shirts from Emily and Michael's childhood. The ceremony started at sunset and it made for a gorgeous evening.



How did that get in here??



Here is their signed Ketubah. I wish I had a good close-up picture of it... it was GORGEOUS.

Michael's parents walking him down the aisle

This little flower girl was hilarious. She came out of the door just squalling. When she reached the end of the aisle, she just stopped and had this petrified look on her face. Poor thing! Michael had to go down and grab her

Ahhhh... the beautiful bride, Emily with her aunt and uncle! I just love the smile on her face. She was positively beaming all night

Here's Emily doing the Hakafot - the bride circles the groom 7 times.

This is them standing under the Chuppah, wearing the prayer shawl Emily gave Michael that morning. While they were wearing this around themselves, the Rabbi (who was female, by the way... I found that interesting! I didn't know a woman could be a Rabbi) recited and sang the Sheva Brachot (7 wedding blessings) over them .

The ring exchange. I found this interesting too... They put the ring on the index finger closest to the guests. After they recite the ring stuff, they can then switch it over to the normal finger.

They did break the glass and everyone yelled Mazel Tov, but I was taking a video of it so I have no pictures. It was pretty fun

Here's a close up of the top of their Chuppah. Very fun!

Me with Anna, Emily's sister. I just LOVE these girls!!!

Us. Cheesing for the camera

This was one of the most delicious wedding cakes I have ever had. I'd almost say it rivals our wedding cake (which I thought was amazing).

The Challah. They did a blessing over it and then passed it around to eat

The inside of the ballroom was decorated so elegantly. So Emily!

Here's the Hora!! So fun! We were all dancing in circles around them.

I have more videos of the reception than I do photos because pictures just didn't do it justice. Those guys know how to PARTY. Seriously, as soon as the music started, the dance floor was full and they were literally jumping around and gettin' down. It was really fun. They also did a lot of dances where we all had to join it. It was way fun! We left before the party was over because they just kept going and going and going!

The newlyweds and us

They both gave a little speech before cutting the cake. Very sweet

Despite cries of "Smash it in his face!!!" from Anna, both Emily and Michael were good little newlyweds and appropriately fed each other nicely. These two are major foodies so they actually ate almost the entire piece of cake which I haven't seen many couples do!

Anna caught her sister's bouquet! (Notice the shoes she changed into? This girl is the most tomboy chick I have ever in my entire life met!)

They had a brunch the next morning at the hotel we all stayed at, which was fun. It was nice to get to visit with them again since we'd come all the way out there. Emily looked absolutely fabulous (as usual... she's actually a stylist in LA) and like she'd had hours of beauty rest. In reality, from what I hear, they had an after party after the reception so they were probably going on like 3 hours of sleep!

Emily and Michael at brunch. Aren't they adorable?

It was a simply beautiful wedding for a beautiful couple. Josh and I were SO glad we got to go. I pray that the Lord blesses their marriage and works in their lives!

Observations on California

We made it back from our trip! It was awesome and we got to see and do so much. I hope to put up some pictures soon, but in the meantime, I would like to share a few observations...

1. Palm trees make everything look better, nicer, and less scary. Irving Mall really should invest in some tall palms. That place is scary.

2. In-N-Out is good, but it's still just a burger. Personally, I think Airways in Arlington is every bit as good.

3. There is apparently a new fashion trend for women where you wear tights and a short/crop top. I'm not talking about just tight pants or even leggings, but TIGHTS. Where every minuscule detail of your legs, thighs, and butt is on full display for the world to see. Half the time, they wear midriff baring tops too. I don't get it. I kept wanting to tell them that they forgot to finish getting dressed. So tacky. We even saw one girl that had a small hole right forming on each cheek, I guess from leaning up on the wall or something. Normally, I would inform a woman if she had an embarrassing situation going on, but honestly, she didn't appear to care. Besides, with her outfit, it's not like she was hiding anything anyway... I really, REALLY hope this trend doesn't catch on here.

4. There is WAY too much money in LA.

5. On the subject of LA, it is like a whole other planet. It's bizarre. The people are weird, the highways are stupid, and it kinda smells funny. I was so happy to get out of there and head down the coast! The only good things about LA are Kara, Emily, and Michael.

6. Arnold Schwarzenegger is waaaay shorter than I imagined him to be. I really expected him to be a lot taller.

7. Hotels.com lies. Ok, that's not an inclusive California observation, but it's still truth. We booked a room at a hotel in Santa Monica and when we arrived 30 minutes later, it was like night and day from what they advertised. They didn't even really have a parking lot and there were homeless people literally sleeping on the doorways. Now, I'm not judging, but I was not staying there. The entire neighborhood made me feel unsafe. Not cool. We called hotels.com to cancel and tell them their advertising lied. Long story short, we ended up still having to pay for the freaking room even though we weren't staying there. Then, rather than booking through them again, we called a hotel directly (after we physically checked it out!!) and got a cheaper rate than hotels.com quoted us! Yeah, I would NOT recommend using that website.

8. I think there are more homeless people in SoCal than anywhere else. It made me so, so sad.

9. All the guys and gals between 15 and 25 years old in Southern California look the same. Bleached blonde hair and dark fake tans. Oh, and tights. (Seriously, I still don't get this fad..)

10. Parking meters in Beverly Hills are stupid. Parking tickets in Beverly Hills are even more stupid.

11. Rodeo drive is highly overrated. I guess it was kind of cool to see but I was too afraid to go in any of the stores. I was afraid they'd treat me the way they treated Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman except, well, I'm not hooker. And I was fully dressed. And since I'm not a hooker, I obviously don't have a rich "customer" so I couldn't go back in and pull a Julia Roberts on them after spending beaucoup bucks elsewhere. Oh, and I don't really like that movie. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen it all the way through. Just that part. And I'm really not a hooker. Promise.

12. This is also not strictly California, but, Jewish weddings are absolutely beautiful. Even the modern weddings are so steeped in tradition. Oh, and the singing was gorgeous. It really made me wish I could have witnessed an Old Testament wedding to see how things have changed and how they're likely still the same. Now if they would just accept Jesus Christ as the risen Savior...

13. Watching the sunset over the ocean is awesome. Don't get me wrong, I still love the bay sunsets of NJ, but this was a nice change.

14. Granville Cafe really, really, really needs to open a restaurant in the DFW area. I started craving the Uptown Mac & Cheese about 5 minutes after I finished my plate and the craving hasn't ceased since.

Dinosaur Playmat!

I wish I could claim creative genius on this project, but alas, I can't. I found a tutorial online here and had at it.

I made dinosaur playmat for a super awesome little boy who just turned 3. I had so much fun making it! I kinda want to make one for myself to play with!

Here's a full on view of the whole thing. The green material is grass, the grey is rock, there's a lake, a river of lava, volcano, palm tree, and that brown thing is a cave.



Close up of the cave


Here's a close up of the palm tree


Just a few different angles with the dinos

The backview where the velcro is

And here is what it looks when it's all folded up... a giant volcano with lava handles!

I really had a blast making this and it was fairly simple to make.

Counting to 12, Sesame style

Does anyone else still sing this song occasionally? Or am I the only weirdo that remembers this? It's funny what random little things stick with you...

I would rather die.

I've never been one to shy away from bugs. I really don't mind them for the most part. Granted I don't want them crawling in my ears while I sleep, but really, how often does that happen anyway?

When I was a kid and I found out one of my cousins was terrified of daddy long legs, I instantly threw my fear of them out the window. I quickly learned it was WAY more fun to chase her with a spider in my hands. Which I did.

(Carrie - I put this picture of just for you because I know how much you LOVE spiders)

Same goes for cicadas and one of the neighbor boys growing up. Granted, I was NEVER afraid of those things... they rock! But anytime I held one near Matthew, he would freak. I caught a lot of cicadas while the Whiteheads were our neighbors.

I was the kid that really enjoyed making a bug collection in 4th grade. It was so fun! Pinning all the little critters down, examining them up close. Scoping out all the intricacies of the beetles and spiders. That was one project I had a lot of fun with. As a general rule, I like bugs.

There is one lone exception to the rule... the cockroach.

I was going to put a picture of one right there, but I just couldn't do it.

You're welcome.

That is the single bug that will make me stand on a chair and scream like a girl for my knight in shining armor to rescue me. I won't even pick them up if they're already dead and crunchy. Nope, won't happen. In fact, I just got the chills even THINKING about them. I've had several "lovely" experiences with them over the years. We occasionally had them in our house growing up. I think this may be due in part to the pool out back. Any how...

One time as a kid, I opened the drawer of a chest close to our garage and one of those nasty flying water bug/roach things few INTO MY FACE. I just about had a conniption fit. No lie. It was terrifying.

Another time, I was pulling a blanket up over me in the living room and felt something crunchy. Since it wasn't unusual to have leaves in our house due to the dog tracking them in then sleeping on the blankets, I assumed that's what it was so I crunched it with my fingers. Imagine my horror when I looked down and saw little legs crushed to bits. Yeah, I totally crushed a dead roach... with my fingers. I can't even describe the freak-out that I had at that moment. It involved me screaming bloody-murder, scrubbing my hands until they were practically raw, and I even remember holding "the hand" with my other hand, laying on the floor screaming with chills over how disgusted I was. I think I even mentioned something about 'cut my hand off!! cut my hand off!!"

I wasn't kidding.

Yes, so I may have been a semi-drama queen. So what?

This post does have a point, and I'm getting there.

Last night we were watching The Colony on Discovery. Does anyone else watch that? SO good. Very interesting concept. Anyway, they're low on food and so on the episode we watched last night, they did the unthinkable.... They cooked cockroaches AND ATE THEM. I shuddered intensely. I couldn't even watch. Just ask Josh. I sat there with my eyes closed and my ears plugged (I couldn't bear to hear the crunching as they ate them). It made me want to throw up.

I totally just got chills again.

I have come to the conclusion that there is no way on God's green earth that I could or would ever eat a cockroach. No way!!! I would probably expend way more energy screaming and flailing my arms about after eating one than I would ever get from eating one. It's just not worth it to me. Even on the brink of starvation, I wouldn't do it.

I wouldn't eat one for a million dollars. I wouldn't eat one or 10 million dollars. I might nibble one if it meant getting Obama out of office though...

Maybe. OK, probably not even for that.

I can't imagine a single situation where I would eat one. I'd sooner lick dirt or eat glass than eat a roach.

I would rather die.

Photos from the wedding!

I was finally able to finish up all the photos from the first wedding I shot back in July. My awesome sister-in-law, Emily, shot with me. Here's a glimpse of some of the final photos for anyone interested!

Frankenfinger

**WARNING - Not for the weak stomached! (no worries, I spared you the pictures... even I haven't looked at all those yet!)**

I'd like you all to meet my worst enemy....

We actually have a love-hate relationship. It's truly probably my favorite kitchen utensil. I love the awesome spaghetti sauce and guacamole this thing makes, but I hate what it does to fingers when you stick them in it.

Nevermind that you shouldn't stick your fingers in there to begin with...

What happened was this: I was making a dessert for a girls night and since I don't have a food processor to crumble the crust with yet, I was using this handy little device. It usually works great, but my butter was still a little hard and was clogging up the blades.

I decided in a moment of sheer brilliance that I would just stick my finger in there and unclog it. For a split second, I thought, "ya know, this is stupid, you shouldn't do this" but then I remembered how smart I am and decided I could handle it. I carefully moved my other hand off the "on" button and began swiping but butter out.

Out of nowhere, my right hand decided it had a mind of it's own and went for the "on" button while my left hand index finger was mid butter-swipe.

You can guess what happened next.

As one who has had major issues with fear, anxiety and panic, I am amazed at how well I handled the situation though, quite honestly. I immediately ran it under cold water and told Josh to come quick because I needed to go to the hospital. This is before I even looked at my finger. I just knew. I wrapped it in a huge wad of paper towels (which it had bled through by the time we got to the ER!) and we were on our way.

Thankfully, now that we've moved, we're much closer to the hospital than we were in our old house. The entire way there I kept say "what was I THINKING!?!" I mean really, what WAS I thinking!? Who DOES that!?

Anyway, they got me back to a room fairly quickly where I waited to see someone. Ok... even though it was just a fingertip, it hurt so incredibly bad. I handle pain pretty well, but this? Oh man... You don't realize how many nerves are in your fingertip until you mangle it! I'd say the throbbing rivaled kidney stone pain. Yes, it's a different type of pain, but it is still pain!

I take it back... kidney stones are still worse...

So, after about 2 hours or so they came in and gave me the shot to numb my whole finger. I will spare you those details, but trust me... the way they finagle that needle around is not pretty or comfortable. The shot itself isn't so bad... it's what they do while the needle is in there.

I finally saw the doctor and he stitched me up good. Only 5 stitches on the 2 side lacerations, but I probably could have easily had more. He didn't want to stitch the tip up because it was so mangled and really, wouldn't have done much good anyway. Basically, the very tip top of my fingertip is shorn off. It's lovely.

After 4 hours, a few more bandages, some silver nitrate to try and get the bleeding to stop, and a 'script for some Vicoden and we were on our way home!

I was feeling pretty good at this point... I was numbed up and ready to go home.

A week after, I was bored and had a little fun with my finger when changing the bandages (don't worry, I covered up the nasty part so you can't see that!)

Meet Frankenfinger!

So anyway, it was an eventful evening. It's healing up just fine as far as I can tell. My super rad aunt removed the stitches for me a little over a week later, saving me a trip (and co-pay) to the doctor's office. She rocks. I'm finally getting some feeling back in parts of my finger so that's good, but I have a feeling it'll still be quite a while before I can play the guitar again!

I'm just hoping I get a sweet scar out of this deal! And no, I threw the dessert away. I didn't think the gals would like "cherry flavor" in their crust ;)

So remember friends, immersion blenders are not toys. Do not under any circumstances stick your finger anywhere remotely near the blades. Ever.