Title-less Post

I don't have anything funny, interesting, exciting, or even noteworthy to write about today. It's my "Friday" and things are super slow around here so I thought I'd just write to ask for some prayers. I thought I had this anxiety thing somewhat figured out, but it looks like I was wrong. It just won't stop! The fact that I'm a hypochondriac certainly doesn't help either.

I looked at my insurance health history today and I've been to my primary care physician 12 times since January.. TWELVE times!! Had my blood drawn 2x for tests and an ultrasound once. You'd think after all that, I'd just get it through my thick skull that nothing is really wrong with me. Ok, that is up for debate, but I mean physically, there is nothing really wrong with me ;) I just keep having all these weird "symptoms" and off I go down the rabbit trail looking for some undiagnosed disease which always culminates in another doctor visit and another prescription for something. Lately, I've been feeling like a walking pharmacy.

The anxiety doesn't help because it often causes (or so I think) some of the symptoms I feel ( dizziness, lightheadedness, high blood pressure, rapid heart rate, chest pains etc etc etc) which throws me into a panic about what is wrong with me. I'm at my wits end. For real. I'm tempted to go into my doctor and just get an EKG and/or stress test to check out my heart, but that would put me at 13 times since January. I think they're tired of seeing me there. And there is probably nothing wrong with me so I'd just be wasting the money. Again. Plus, I just went to the doctor on Tuesday so I at least have to wait a couple weeks!

Anyway, this is a plea for prayers because it's becoming overwhelming and I'm just not quite sure what to do about it now. I've prayed, I've pleaded, I've tried medicines, I've tried ignoring it. Nothing works. Do you ever feel like you're praying to a glass ceiling? That's how I've felt lately. I don't doubt that the Lord cares for me and what I'm going through, but my mind is so clouded by fear and worry that I feel as though I can't hear Him right now, or vice versa. Would y'all please pray for clarity of mind for me? I am getting lost in all the rabbit trails and losing my focus.

I still believe that I will get through this, stronger than ever, but it's getting harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know this is the devil's tactic. He finally found a big button and he's pushing the heck out of it. Soooo not cool.

Anyway, there's another long, boring post from me. I'll try to come up with something witty next time :) In the meantime, thank you for the thoughts and prayers. I couldn't make it through this without my brothers and sisters in Christ!